What its like being with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

or thats what I think he meant, atleast.

Love, is just one completely confusing entity. Its something that you hate going through yet something that you crave so much. Love is complicated yet so simple at the same time. Something so ridiculously painful yet so sweet and beautiful. 

ok so you get the picture, right? I'm going through some crazy emotional roller coaster  shit that...well...only I feel. 

You find this person thats just the greatest thing that has ever happened to you. Literally the best person in the world. and you connect with each other in a whole different level and in ways you've never experienced before. you just feel like this person is so important to you and you know that your life wouldn't feel the same without them in it.

Your doppleganger. Your soulmate. Your partner in crime. 

How did this person suddenly becomes the single most important thing in your world? and you'd do anything to keep them around. This person makes you bad but makes you good too. This person can and will destroy you. But this person can also rebuild you. Its just ridiculous. and confusing.

But at the same time you know that you wont be with the person. because he/she chooses to be on their own and not tied down to anything. You know whatever connection you have with this person is not gonna lead you to anything that will be 50 years down the line. You know that they choose not to commit. To anything. 

Question is, then why are you still with them? Are you looking to hopefully change their view of that and commit? Are you too afraid to let go and start over? Are you worried no one better or nearly as good enough will ever come your way?

All these questions plague me every time someone questions what the hell is going on in my 'love life' and honestly, I don't know. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if I even know what the heck is going on. 

damn, feelings suck.